Embrace Self-Love: Unlocking the Power of Self-Compassion in 5 Simple Steps

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Self-criticism makes you feel small and weak when you don’t need to be. These steps will quickly pull you out of the endless diarrhea – it’s about time.

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Marinate endlessly in toxic self-criticism

No one likes a braggart, but should we marinate ourselves in self-criticism?

No – not a good plan.

Yet we do it on a massive scale – I participate in it myself.

I am regularly unnecessarily critical of myself, and many people around me struggle with it too.

Perfectionism, comparing yourself to others, parents who were hard to please, experiences of public failure, low self-esteem – there are countless reasons why people experience self-criticism.

Self-criticism makes you small, weak and miserable . It damages your self-confidence and thus your quality of life on a deep level.

But you know what’s fun? The solution is already packed in the word. Self-criticism comes from ourselves. And so we have the opportunity to do something about it ourselves.

Pretty nice.

There are all kinds of steps we can take to reduce self-criticism. Below I share 5 steps that are particularly effective , require little effort and also work quickly.

It’s a dirty story. Let’s see.

1. Observe the diarrhea

Yes – I see self-criticism as a constant flow of diarrhoea.

It stinks, it gets stuck in everything, it’s a hassle to clean up and nobody really wants it.

But as with so many things in life: you get used to everything .

If you function every day between that misery, you don’t even notice it anymore. But as soon as you take a fresh look at it, you realize with horror the situation you’ve ended up in .

And what do you do then?

Exactly – then you will take steps to change something about it.

The first step is simply to observe your self-criticism:

  • You don’t have to change anything.
  • You don’t have to run away from it.
  • You don’t have to spice it up.

No – just observe. That’s all.

  1. You can jot down self-criticism as soon as it comes along. For example in your notes app on your smartphone. Jot down that poisonous thought, and go about your day.
  2. You can mentally notice self-criticism when it passes. For example, label such a miserable thought as “self-criticism” and go about your business.
  3. You can get rid of all self-criticism by writing it all down in a journal. Take ten minutes to put all that diarrhea on paper – it’s a great relief.

Try noticing self-criticism throughout your day . It often won’t work, but just do it when you think about it. You don’t have to observe all the self-criticism, a little is good enough.

By consciously noticing self-criticism you will automatically bring about change.

Not because you suddenly have all the answers, but simply because no one of their own free will remains in such a miserable situation .

2. Let it be quiet

The less effort something takes, the more likely you are to actually do it.

That’s why I say don’t do anything now . Let that self-criticism be there and notice it. That’s all.

Give it some time and observe what is happening in your head . The more self-criticism you observe, the less seriously you begin to take it. You start to see that you’re just playing a boring tape that keeps shouting the same things:

  • “You can’t do this.”
  • “You’re not good enough.”
  • “You’re not pretty enough.”
  • “You are too stupid.”
  • Etc.

It can sometimes help to visualize that critical voice as a childish troll .

That troll is looking for comfort and security, so he tries to keep you down by convincing you that you should n’t do anything that challenges you.

Fine and logical. But we’re not going to let a grumpy troll determine the direction of this wonderful life – are we?

No – better not.

Just let that troll chat and you can enjoy your day in the meantime.

3. Make room for something better

Do you have something like: “doing nothing doesn’t sound good enough” ? Then there is something you can do: shift your attention .

Where to? To aspects of yourself that you value.

Focus your attention on:

  • Things you accomplished today (no matter how small);
  • Properties of yourself that you like;
  • Aspects of your body that you like;
  • Moments when you have overcome something;
  • The precious people who love you despite all the negative beliefs you have about yourself;
  • Other positive aspects of your day.

Often when I’m working on a bigger project (like a new course), I suddenly feel insecure. The troll knows how to tell me that I am a worthless writer and that no one cares about what I have to say.

When I experience that, I leaf through old articles and read the sweet reactions of readers. It helps me to establish that my work is going to make someone happy, and that I can continue to challenge myself.

It helps me establish that there really is something wrong with my skills, and that I was fooled by that troll again.

Everything that gives you attention grows – and that self-criticism does not deserve your attention.

Focus on the nice, positive sides of yourself. It helps you move to a place of less misery and more joy.

4. Lovingly let yourself slip

Diarrhea can be slippery.

Even if you walk carefully, you will occasionally fall. Not nice, but nothing you can do about it.

Even with all the good intentions in the world, you will find yourself caught up in a downward spiral of self-criticism from time to time . You are not waiting for it but you can wait for it to happen.

What to do?

There’s one thing you don’t want to do: feel sorry for yourself that you failed to practice self-love again . That sounds logical but it is the most common reaction:

We’re trying to solve the problem with more diarrhea, when you just slipped into it.

It just makes the story dirtier and I think we’ve both had enough of this metaphor now – so let’s get smarter:

Self-compassion.

We change the internal dialogue of the troll who shouts, “You never learn! AWFUL! You’re a loser! Everyone is better at this than you. You’re worthless. You can’t do anything! Ugh, I can’t see you anymore!”

To (voiced by Mary Poppins): “Oops slipped in the diarrhea, that’s not nice. Can happen. Come on, I’ll run a bath for you. Yes, I’m going to throw in the whole bottle because you do smell a little – but I love you anyway. Just lie back and I’ll go mop up with a few bottles of bleach and burn your clothes.”

Feels better, right?

5. Don’t be in a hurry, just pay attention

You usually don’t turn around a life full of self-criticism in one afternoon.

But you know what? We are in no hurry. As soon as you start with the first step, you can also effortlessly defuse most self-criticism .

It is special how more attention – more mindfulness – immediately makes the situation milder.

It helps you see that you are experiencing self-criticism and are not those thoughts – let alone that those thoughts are true.

More awareness leads to more self-compassion and self-love. Slowly but surely it’s getting quieter up there. And before you know it you’ll be making friends at a get-together where you don’t know anyone, or you’ll be taking on tasks you normally couldn’t take on due to self-sabotage.

You feel more confident, stronger, more powerful – happier!

That troll isn’t going anywhere, but you’re getting better and better at approaching him with patience and understanding.

Living with self love lives a lot better

So the message is simple: be kind to yourself .

There is only one you. You are unique and you are good just the way you are. Don’t put yourself down, rather get yourself up.

Not only does that live a lot better – from that position you can also reach out to others and help them take the same step.

Increasing self-love is your most important step towards a more loving world .

It makes everything better, so dare to take it seriously. Let go of that self-criticism and rather marinate yourself in self-compassion – works much better. 💛

Are you ready to get started right away? Go AHEAD !!

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Believing in yourself – 4 tips to become powerful and unstoppable

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By believing in yourself you increase your chance of success, happiness and growth in your life. These tips will help you believe in yourself.

Believe in Yourself

Do you believe in yourself for a better life?

Believing in yourself is important. Because the more you believe in your own strength, skills and possibilities – the more you will get done.

If you believe you can do something, you are more likely to take the step to do it. You get over self-doubt and do whatever it takes to shape your ideal life.

What happens when you believe in yourself?

  • You get more done . You dare to take on more challenges and are less plagued by the limiting thought “I can’t”. This allows you to get more done.
  • You radiate more self-confidence . You feel stronger and happier with yourself. This appearance ensures that you make contact with people more easily and thus create more possibilities in your life.
  • You see the world more positively . If you believe in yourself, the world will look more positive. Like a place full of possibilities.
  • You step over obstacles more easily . If it doesn’t work out for a while, believing in yourself will help you get through. This increases the chance that you will eventually achieve your goals – even when it gets challenging.
  • You grow more easily . Believing in yourself makes it easier for you to get out of your comfort zone. As a result, your personal growth takes flight.

In this article I share four tips that have helped me believe in myself more over the past 15 years. They work like a charm. Are you reading along?

1. Stop comparing yourself

Precisely. And if you want to compare yourself, then compare yourself with people who are less advanced in certain areas than you.

Social media tends to emphasize the exceptional: beautiful people in beautiful homes with beautiful clothes and beautiful children who behave beautifully.

But these images are rarely a correct reflection of reality. And it is also the exception . Most people don’t lead an Insta-worthy existence – and that’s fine!

Of course you can use the lives of others as a source of inspiration. But it’s important that you don’t keep comparing yourself to another person – because two people cannot be compared. Use what inspires you as your dot on the horizon and set your own goals to get there .

Then let go of the other.

It’s hard to believe in yourself when you’re constantly comparing your life to exceptional people and lives.

The solution? Stop following people who make you doubt yourself. Reduce your exposure to these kinds of series and people.

Don’t look at what someone else can do. Rather compare yourself to your former self . Have you grown compared to last year? What have you achieved? What lessons have you learned?

Spend less time on social media and more time with your journal, for example. Reflect on your own growth and progress and stop comparing. You will soon believe in yourself more.

2. Don’t put yourself down anymore

How do you talk about yourself? How do you talk to yourself? If you’re like most people, you tend to put yourself down.

  • “I’m just doing something too.”
  • “I really can’t do this.”
  • “I’m not that attractive.”

It’s hard to believe in yourself when a little voice keeps whispering in your ear how weak, inferior, and worthless you are.

Notice when you bring yourself down, and turn it around . You don’t even have to make it overly positive, as long as you stop making yourself smaller than you are.

Do you get a compliment? Say thank you and believe the compliment . Notice how that little voice in your head tries to sabotage it: “If she knew who I really am, she’d say something else…”

New!

You are a great person . You’re not perfect – neither am I. That’s nobody. Everyone struggles. Everyone thinks that others do know how life works. That others are all constantly happy and happy.

It’s not like that. We all doubt ourselves. But one takes those doubts seriously, and the other puts them aside.

You don’t have to take that negative voice in your head seriously. It’s even better not. Let’s not put ourselves down – let’s celebrate ourselves .

3. Build in small steps

Believing in yourself becomes easier when you notice that you are making progress. That you succeed in achieving your goals. You do this by proving to yourself that you can actually get things done.

And what’s the best way to get things done? Simple: take a small step every day .

Do you find it difficult to imagine that you will ever really clean your house? Clean up a little today , and do it again tomorrow. That way you will eventually get it done and you can feel proud of yourself.

The same goes for healthy living, achieving your work goals or building better relationships: take one small step every day .

Taking small steps helps me time and time again when I start to doubt myself. I then let go of my perfectionism and just do something in the right direction. Soon I feel positive and fulfilled again, which creates an upward spiral.

In this way you avoid self-sabotage (a small step is taken in no time) and you actually make progress. You will soon believe in yourself more.

4. Work on self-acceptance

Many of us walk around with the feeling that we should be different . Slimmer, prettier, more successful, more productive, smarter, more organized, more empathetic – you know the thing.

There is nothing wrong with striving for growth, improvement and progress. But it is important to examine within yourself what the actual motivation is .

Do you want to lose weight because you allow yourself a healthier body? Or because you worry about what others think of you?

Do you want to build that business because you love the creative challenges? Or are you trying to get an “I’m proud of you” from your sober father in this way ?

Does your urge to change come from a place of self-love or self-doubt?

By working on self-acceptance you come closer to yourself. You feel more rooted in who you are and therefore less insecure. This will make you believe in yourself more and more. Because you know who you are and what your path is in this life.

Believing in yourself is the secret to success - SIAL

Whatever is happening, Believe in yourself

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