Get rid of the autopilot
Do you want to become a better version of yourself, but do you find it difficult to break old patterns? With these 3 exercises you increase your chance of success.
Before you start: which pattern do you want to break?
It is difficult to break an old pattern. This takes time, effort and energy. You have a greater chance of success if you focus on breaking one pattern.
If you want to break multiple patterns, don’t do it at the same time. Consciously choose one thing. Something that bothers you a lot or that you consider important at this moment in your life. The rest will come later.
Exercise 1: Turn off the autopilot
Every day you do many things on autopilot. So that you don’t unnecessarily spend a lot of time and energy thinking about actions. Very efficient of course.
This is great when it comes to things like brushing your teeth or making your bed. But less pleasant when it comes to bad habits or negative patterns such as smoking, stress eating, procrastination or saying ‘yes’ too often.
We all have such an autopilot. Your brain loves patterns and is less fond of changes.
The first thing you should do is turn off the autopilot and get behind the wheel yourself. Are you ready for it? Buckle up? Tank full? Great, let’s leave.
Along the way you will notice that there are moments when the autopilot wants to take over again. The big difference is that you are now alert to it. So that you can put on the brakes or make adjustments as soon as you risk getting back on the old path.
Try to discover:
- what the reason is. This could be something as simple as a time when you used to do something, but it could also be an emotion or situation.
- what desire is behind it. For example, the desire for an addictive drug or the desire to be liked.
- what it gets you. The pleasure of gaming, the kick you get from eating sugar or the gratitude of your colleague when you take over her work.
For this last point (what are the benefits?) don’t just note the positive aspects of your behavior. For example, always saying ‘yes’ may generate gratitude from others, but it also causes stress and a lack of time for yourself.
Exercise 2: Avoid temptation
Did you know that you only have a limited amount of willpower every day? Every time you have to put effort into something, you use a little of that willpower. Until it’s gone.
The trick is to ensure that breaking your old pattern takes as little willpower as possible. You will work on that in this exercise. You do this by removing temptations as much as possible.
Suppose you want to get rid of your smartphone addiction . What can you do to minimize temptation? Think: putting your phone in a closet, uninstalling addictive apps and turning off notifications.
Sometimes it is difficult to completely remove a temptation. What you can do is make rules for yourself.
Some examples:
- No more gossiping: I only talk positively about other people.
- Preventing procrastination: I put my tasks in my agenda and I stick to them.
- Saying ‘yes’ less often: I only give up my private time in emergencies.
- Not always available: After 6 p.m. my (work) phone goes silent.
- Less stress eating: If I suffer from stress, I go for a walk.
- Less likely to get defensive: If I feel attacked, I count to 10 before answering.
Think about how you can ensure that you are as little tempted as possible to fall into your old pattern.
Exercise 3: Replace your old pattern with a new pattern
If you want to get rid of an old pattern, the obvious thing to do is to replace it with a new pattern.
This works best if you are convinced that the new pattern has more advantages than the old pattern.
For example, you may decide that from now on you will eat an apple instead of a bar of chocolate, but of course an apple does not give the same feeling of happiness as a bar of chocolate. So you will have to motivate yourself to choose the apple.
This is how you do it:
- Write down what the new pattern will bring you. These could be things like: a healthier life, more time for your family, better mental health or more self-confidence. Remind yourself of these benefits during difficult moments.
- Make your new pattern attractive. For example, by linking it to something you like. Listen to your favorite podcast while exercising, meet friends for a bike ride instead of a pub crawl or have a cup of coffee with colleagues instead of lighting a cigarette outside.
- Don’t be too hard on yourself. Start with small changes that start an upward spiral. For example, agree with yourself that you will put on your running shoes and go outside. That’s already a win. Or set yourself the goal of reading a page every day or giving your opinion at least once during every meeting at work. Are you still falling back into your old pattern? Then don’t judge yourself. Maybe you were tired, sad or stressed. There is always a new day.
- Track your progress. Motivate yourself by keeping track of how well you are doing. This can be done very simply by writing down every day whether you have managed to maintain your new pattern and how. Can’t make it one day? Then write that down too. Not to bully yourself, but so that you are extra motivated to pick up the thread again the next day.
- Reward yourself. Promise yourself a nice reward if you manage to maintain your new pattern. Did you enjoy your work and beat your procrastination? Then treat yourself to an evening of watching a movie or gaming. Or have you stopped smoking for six months? Reward yourself with a weekend away.
Less procrastination, more self-discipline
The more discipline you have, the easier it is to break unwanted patterns. And the good news is: you can learn self-discipline.