How do you really become happy with yourself? Good question. And the answer is surprisingly simple. Let’s see.
How do you really become happy with yourself?
There’s only one clear answer to this question, and it’s one I’ve been throwing around every few weeks for years. Just until it sticks. Not just for you – but also as a reminder to myself.
Because being happy with myself is also a continuous challenge for me.
What is this answer? Radical Self-Acceptance .
You will only be truly happy with yourself – with who and what you are – if you develop the guts to fully accept yourself as you are .
Sounds simple enough. But in a society that motivates us to do the opposite , self-acceptance is not always easy. Fortunately, things are starting to change. The blogs, videos, series and podcasts with a self-love theme are springing up like mushrooms.
More and more people are realizing that love and compassion starts with love for ourselves . And true self-love thrives in a soil of self-acceptance. These are three insights I gained.
1. You don’t have to add anything
You cannot be happy with yourself if you are constantly working to improve yourself. Why not? Because self-improvement implies that something is missing .
Nothing is missing. That is the insight you want to realize for yourself. There is nothing that is missing, nothing that needs to be added. You are exactly as you are.
No melons grow on a blackberry bush . As much as the blackberry bush invests in self-improvement, blackberries will just grow on its branches next season.
We go through life like that frolicking blackberry bush. And along the way we lose sight of the fact that blackberries are great. You’re not like you’re not , that’s right. But you are exactly as you are.
It seems so logical to lose our focus on the melons. To all the things we are not. But we are so many things . The trick is to relax, get out of our heads and see who and what we are.
Embrace yourself as you are. That’s all you need to do.
2. You are too hard on yourself
All those negative things you think and say about yourself, all those ways you put yourself down in your mind, all those beliefs that say you’re not good enough— it’s all hot air .
Thoughts are just thoughts. Just sensations in your consciousness. They are not special, particularly important, or inherently true . Your heart beats, your eyes see and your brain experiences thoughts—that’s all.
When you think false thoughts that say you’re not good enough, do yourself a favor and don’t go with them. Don’t delve deeper into misery.
Look around you, see what’s happening. The world around you is an expression of natural processes . Clouds pass by, the trees grow, the wind blows, the rain falls. The earth produces everything you see. Trees, plants, animals and – yes – people.
You are an expression of nature. A bulge of this planet. You are not separated from nature, from that which is . it’s you .
Fighting against yourself – pretending you’re not good enough – is just as futile as fighting the color of grass. At this moment in time and space you are exactly as you need to be . Otherwise it would not be as it is.
Just as the trees, the glaciers, the highest waterfalls and the deepest canyons are expressions of nature – so you are an expression of nature. Perfect in your apparent imperfection. And once you see it that way, it’s madness not to accept yourself.
3. You are not alone
There are cultures that take the above for granted, so that self-acceptance appears to be a logical consequence. We don’t live in such a culture .
Our society is based on a clear separation between man and nature. In fact – for centuries the West was engaged in a proud battle against Mother Nature .
That tide is starting to turn, and that gives room for new ways of looking. In the traditional way of looking, we view self-love as even more selfishness and vanity. Characteristics that we usually label as undesirable.
In the new way of looking at things, we see that self-love forms the basis for a more loving and effective society. Simply because we see that self-love is a logical consequence of acceptance. Loving reality, that which is , is a breeding ground for relaxation and love.
You cannot give what you do not have. If you hate yourself inside that is what you will spread. When you fully accept yourself you will spread peace, understanding, compassion and love.
And that is ultimately great news. Because how do you really become happy with yourself? By living according to your own nature. By daring to be completely yourself . Without fear, without shame. That is a difficult task for many people. But it is a path worth walking.
You really become happy with yourself when you don’t just accept that you are producing blackberries and not melons. But by learning to love those blackberries . Because apparently this is what you are now .
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