Being bitter is in many cases a form of hidden depression in which the person focuses almost exclusively on the rest of the world. The world of embittered people is full of windows through which they can only see injustice, and where they like to see their frustrations, bitterness and pessimistic feelings pour out. The bitter person wants prisoners, but he also calls for help.
Many of us will now think of people they know, people who, sometimes, give us the impression that they are enjoying their lives with their arguments, advice and behavior. This supposed pleasure, which we deduce from the frequency with which it is done, is actually no pleasure at all – the truth is that they are not happy.
Bitter and resentment are anchors who always want to hold us, because their ships are stranded and drift aimlessly, and where there was once happiness is now only unresolved grief.
Bitter people, above all, feel that they have lost control of their lives. They have such a defeated attitude that they simply stop being responsible for themselves. They take on the role of the victim and allow themselves to be carried away. It is then necessary to be aware of strategies to help them, because even if their behavior disturbs us, they need a lot of help.
Being bitter and the roots of bitterness
Nobody comes into the world with bitterness in his heart. Sometimes, however, childhood is a time when people are already beginning to discover the development of this feeling. A lack of affection or communication during childhood can sow the seed at a very early age, enabling the heart to form the roots that will grow into bitterness in the future.
Bitter is a seed that, when sown, generally does not germinate immediately. His presence can not be observed in the first instance. One disappointment hurts, but does not change us yet, two disappointments make us think, but when someone bumps into too many ‘stones’ during his life and allows these stones to create negativity in him, then the result is that he the feeling has no control over his life. And then that germ germinates … and a kind of mental illness occurs.
One thing that we also have to take into account is the classic image of the ‘bitter old man’. We have all met an elderly person who is apathetic, who always looks at things from a negative side, and who seems to feel a lot of resentment towards the world and life itself. As we can read in the journal ‘Health Psychology’, these are, in most cases, indicators of an underlying depression. It is important to keep this in mind.
Bitter and emotional anesthesia
Bitter is often described as classic ‘toxic’ behavior. We are in the habit of quickly labeling people ‘toxic’, and often we prefer to avoid these people without even thinking about them and their emotional prison. This is not the right thing to do. At least not as far as bitterness is concerned.
The person who has no peace with himself will have war with everyone.
As we said, people are not born bitter, it happens over time and is the result of different situations that have not been properly dealt with, and which have become too much for the person in question. Do not let them down, let them not only float in this emotional stupidity. We know that a bitter and depressed brain does not change into a happy brain overnight, but it’s always good to know some basic advice so that we might be able to help.
How you can change the attitude of a bitter person
As we mentioned earlier, bitterness is sometimes an indicator of depression. It is therefore important to encourage the person to consult an expert to have his or her condition assessed. This is a necessary and essential first step. Later we can put the following into practice:
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Always trade with affection and optimism. We know that people who are embittered want to catch us with their cynicism, resentment and fatalism. Instead of admitting, however , we should never change our attitude and we should always respond with optimism to their negativity.
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Do not take the attacks personally, be patient. It is not the heart of the person who speaks, it is the root of his bitterness and his ill-treated disappointments, his traumas that are not assimilated and his emptiness that no one seems to understand. Stay calm and always respond with goodness and kindness.
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Invite the embittered person to learn new habits. Bitter is passive, corrosive and fed by thoughts. One way to break this cycle of negativity is to try to change the habits of the person, to teach him new habits, to play out different scenarios. So, without making it too heavily loaded, imagine that he/she takes a walk, goes to work out, signs up for a course, meets new people …
The person who has no peace with her/himself, her/his past and her/his thoughts, will have war with everyone who surrounds him. Let her/him find a balance, a key that will heal her/his wounds and give her/him peace in exchange for her/his inner struggle. We must help her/him, but at the same time be aware of our own limits and not neglect our sense of self-worth.