Urge to prove – I have to prove myself – is the search for recognition. Proving yourself is positive, but it also has a downside. If you feel like you are never doing enough, ask yourself the following questions:
– Who am I doing all this for?
– When is it enough?
– What do I want to achieve with this?
– What do I hope to get in the end?
First acknowledge and appreciate yourself, that saves a lot of energy!
Evidence can be positive. (Urge to Prove)
Wanting to prove yourself can be very positive. It ensures that you get the best out of yourself. It ensures that you keep developing yourself, that you continue to grow and that you create many beautiful things. It keeps you on your toes and ensures that you continue to grow. All positive, aren’t they?
But there is also a downside to the urge to prove it. Some of the people I talk to are very successful compared to the ‘average’ person. Yet they lack happiness, satisfaction and mental relaxation.
I can do so much more!
They are always performing, driven by an imaginary voice that chases them. They are usually not very satisfied with what they have already achieved. “I can do so much more!” they think…
Well, you may not have to do more. Maybe you just need to accept yourself a little more! The former does not solve much, but the second changes everything in your life!
You don’t have to do more, you just have to accept yourself.
An inner turmoil.
If you ask them why they are always on the way to more, you will hear the following:
1. I rarely feel like I’m doing enough.
2. If I underperform, then I fall short.
3. I don’t want to be inferior to others.
4. I have to get the most out of myself.
5. If I don’t do anything, I stop.
Apparently there is an inner turmoil that drives them forward. They constantly compare themselves – either with others or with a personal ideal. As long as they feel like they are proving themselves, they feel good. But when they have a bad day or when others are doing better, they feel inadequate.
What are you doing it all for?
If you recognize yourself in this, my question is: “What are you doing it all for?” All your efforts, all your sacrifices, what are you doing it for? Or even more specifically:
1. Who are you doing it all for?
2. When is it enough?
3. What do you hope to achieve in the end?
Who are you doing it all for? Are you doing it for yourself, or are you doing it for others? Some educators, such as parents or teachers, may have given a lot of criticism and little praise. This has permanently given us the idea that we should always do better. You may still hear the voice of one of your parents: “Don’t think this is so special. Just look at your brother / sister, he is doing much better… ”
Let go of expectations.
Forget all expectations of others, it is their responsibility, not yours. If I had done what others thought I should do, now I would have had a job I didn’t like, been in a relationship that gave me no energy, and had a life that didn’t suit me. You are here to live up to your own expectations, it is your life after all …
Speaking of your own expectations: what do you expect from yourself? That you always have to perform to the maximum? That you need to become an improved version of yourself? That you have to meet a self-conceived ideal image? Forget it all and see the reality: you are the way you are and that’s fine. You never become perfect and you don’t have to be happy. You just have to be yourself …
When is it enough?
Have you ever asked yourself that? Do you know what to do to get to the point where you can be satisfied and enjoy what you have achieved? This has nothing to do with others, this is purely to do with your own expectations. Success is not something you compare to others, success is in your own head. Only you decide whether you feel successful.
What do you hope to get?
Ultimately, the urge to prove is the search for recognition. We want to be appreciated, we want to hear that we did well. At the core we are looking for the feeling that we are worthwhile. That’s what it’s all about, right? We want to hear from our parents, friends or family: “Gosh, you are doing well! I’m proud of you!” And we are willing to do a lot for that feeling …
There is only one problem: You may never hear it. If your parents were generous with compliments, they would have shown it much earlier. I hope for you that everyone tells you that they are happy with your performance. That you have made it to the finish line and that you never have to prove yourself again. So that you can finally relax and enjoy. But what if that doesn’t happen?
Get off the treadmill!
In short, seeking external recognition is pointless. You will never hear from everyone that you are doing well. You will never be perfect. You will never reach your end goal (lasting recognition). If you have to prove yourself because others will tell you that you are worthwhile, then you are like a hamster on a treadmill: you run, but you never get to that finish.
Get out! Realize that you are pursuing an illusion. Turn it around and decide from now on that:
1. You are doing well enough.
2. You are worth it.
3. You recognize and value yourself.
4. Your performance does not determine your self-esteem.
5. The expectation of others is their responsibility, not yours.
6. You stop chasing an ideal image.
7. You enjoy what you have achieved.
Acknowledge and appreciate yourself.
You want to prove yourself to be recognized, don’t you? Reverse the whole process: First, give yourself credit and appreciation. Personally, I don’t expect anything from myself: I don’t have to get better, I don’t have to outperform others, I don’t have to push myself, I don’t even have to achieve my goals. Oh wait, there are two things I expect from myself: to be myself and to be happy. After all, that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it?
Proving myself always starts from a lack, from a lack – from myself. It’s just another form of insecurity. My thesis is: You are fine already, just the way you are. You’ve done enough, you’re already worth it. Appreciate yourself. Appreciating yourself gives you self-confidence. Then you still do your best – but not because something is missing, but because you enjoy it!
Success in your life journey.
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