If you are always working to move forward, you will see progress quickly. But you can’t always just move forward. Discover the magic of consolidation.
Tie up the loose ends
Many people – including myself – who are crazy about growth and development are always busy. Always busy with new projects, new habits and the integration of new ideas.
That’s nice – because it ensures rapid personal growth . Being busy leads to results. And if you do it smart, to a lot of desirable results .
For example, I worked hard in the past months at home on my personal development and tons of other stuff which must help me grow further in life. Cool projects are helping me and blogzynergy to move forward quickly. It ensures growth, better quality, more simplicity and more added value.
But you can’t just keep running forward. Occasionally it is important to consolidate.
You always drop stitches
Consolidate means something like ‘making something permanent’ or ‘maintaining your edge’ . It means solidifying the progress you’ve made so it doesn’t slip through your fingers.
When you go full steam ahead, you always drop stitches. There are always things that don’t go quite right . Things you need to pay some attention to.
What kind of things?
If you have minimized in the house, there are still nooks and cupboards that you have not got around to.
If you’ve done odd jobs, there are always those little jobs that have been left behind.
So you can fill up the list further depending on your circumstances Etc.
You achieve a lot at full speed ahead . But you don’t achieve everything. You always drop stitches. And those little things add up. And the more stitches you drop, the more unstable your progress becomes.
Small problems become big problems
Small problems can become huge problems in the long run. Let’s say you got into the habit of drinking a green smoothie every day. Super nice, but you notice that you also find it a lot of work.
To consolidate this habit it is important that you work on the infrastructure under this habit.
You figure out how to cut less fruit, for example by using frozen fruit.
You take the trouble to cut everything up once a week and freeze it in bags so that you’re ready in the morning.
Or you make a huge smoothie every week that you freeze per portion and take it out of the fridge in the evening so that you can continue straight away in the morning.
You’re starting to feel how the daily investment of time is going to be a problem for your new habit, so take steps to avoid wasting your progress . You consolidate, which increases your chances of holding on to your success longer.
Consolidation is not sexy
No. Marching towards a cool goal, we think that’s sexy. Tying up the loose ends – that’s less interesting. But no less important .
It is important that you alternate between the two. You achieve things, and then you make sure you consolidate your success. You close the leak in the dam, and then you work on strengthening the dam. So that you don’t have to plug the leak again next year.
What loose ends are there in your life? Which issues need attention? Plan some time for this work. Like planning your finances, solving those last chores, improving important processes.
It’s not sexy, but it’s important. You make sure that your life remains fun in the long run . You maintain the infrastructure on which your happiness and pleasure is based.
First you lay down the rails, and then you make sure they can take a beating. Because without rails it will be a bumpy ride.
Numerous personality theories exist to provide insights into human behavior. One such theory relevant to aspiring leaders is the concept of the Alpha personality. So, what exactly does it entail? How can you determine if you possess an Alpha personality? Let’s delve into its dynamics! It’s important to note that this personality type is not gender-specific and applies to both men and women.
Do you exhibit leadership qualities? A key indicator of an Alpha personality is the natural inclination to assume leadership roles. They often find themselves assigned or actively seeking such positions without much effort. Their leadership abilities are recognized by various individuals and across different groups. Alphas generally relish being leaders, despite occasional frustrations with the associated challenges.
Do you speak up? Alphas tend to voice their dissatisfaction openly. They freely express their opinions and are unafraid to take things further when confronted with unresolved issues. They are willing to engage in challenging discussions, both with others and themselves, in order to achieve desired outcomes.
Do you recognize your self-worth? Alphas possess a strong sense of their own value. Occasionally, this self-assurance may come across as excessive confidence, but it is an integral part of their appeal. Alphas radiate power and exhibit confidence, making it clear that they know their position and won’t yield easily. Their speech, actions, and decision-making reflect their self-assuredness.
Do you embrace challenges? Alphas seldom shy away from challenges. The idea of testing their abilities and measuring their performance energizes them. It ignites a surge of motivation and prompts them to invest greater effort.
Are you a workaholic? Alphas tend to derive enjoyment from work and can sometimes become excessively engrossed in it. They may become so focused on reaching the top that they neglect self-care or breaks. Even when feeling overworked or stressed, Alphas persevere as long as they have a clear objective in sight.
Workaholic tendencies have their pros and cons. While Alphas may experience stress-related issues like hypertension, they also find fulfillment in striving towards their ambitions. They easily grow restless with a slow-paced life, constantly seeking new projects and seldom at rest.
Are you ambitious? Alphas dream big and pursue those dreams ardently. They are willing to venture beyond their comfort zones for greater achievements. Often, they aspire to positions like CEOs, seeking visibility for their work by involving numerous individuals.
While Alphas may sometimes exhibit overambition, it is usually a driving force that propels them forward, motivating them to work harder whenever necessary. Their ambitions are not mere fantasies; they are powerful motivators.
Do you prefer being in control? Alphas are reluctant to relinquish control, which can be advantageous in some situations but less desirable in others. They tend to remain vigilant and assertive, attempting to take charge in most circumstances, which can make it challenging for them to relax.
In a professional setting, Alphas sometimes need to learn to trust their team members more and relinquish control. However, their desire for control often leads them to involve themselves in various aspects of a project to ensure a certain level of quality.
An Alpha personality can facilitate leadership development, but like any personality type, it possesses both strengths and weaknesses. By addressing and working on these aspects, you can unlock your full potential.
Self-criticism makes you feel small and weak when you don’t need to be. These steps will quickly pull you out of the endless diarrhea – it’s about time.
Marinate endlessly in toxic self-criticism
No one likes a braggart, but should we marinate ourselves in self-criticism?
No – not a good plan.
Yet we do it on a massive scale – I participate in it myself.
I am regularly unnecessarily critical of myself, and many people around me struggle with it too.
Perfectionism, comparing yourself to others, parents who were hard to please, experiences of public failure, low self-esteem – there are countless reasons why people experience self-criticism.
Self-criticism makes you small, weak and miserable . It damages your self-confidence and thus your quality of life on a deep level.
But you know what’s fun? The solution is already packed in the word. Self-criticism comes from ourselves. And so we have the opportunity to do something about it ourselves.
Pretty nice.
There are all kinds of steps we can take to reduce self-criticism. Below I share 5 steps that are particularly effective , require little effort and also work quickly.
It’s a dirty story. Let’s see.
1. Observe the diarrhea
Yes – I see self-criticism as a constant flow of diarrhoea.
It stinks, it gets stuck in everything, it’s a hassle to clean up and nobody really wants it.
But as with so many things in life: you get used to everything .
If you function every day between that misery, you don’t even notice it anymore. But as soon as you take a fresh look at it, you realize with horror the situation you’ve ended up in .
And what do you do then?
Exactly – then you will take steps to change something about it.
The first step is simply to observe your self-criticism:
You don’t have to change anything.
You don’t have to run away from it.
You don’t have to spice it up.
No – just observe. That’s all.
You can jot down self-criticism as soon as it comes along. For example in your notes app on your smartphone. Jot down that poisonous thought, and go about your day.
You can mentally notice self-criticism when it passes. For example, label such a miserable thought as “self-criticism” and go about your business.
You can get rid of all self-criticism by writing it all down in a journal. Take ten minutes to put all that diarrhea on paper – it’s a great relief.
Try noticing self-criticism throughout your day . It often won’t work, but just do it when you think about it. You don’t have to observe all the self-criticism, a little is good enough.
By consciously noticing self-criticism you will automatically bring about change.
Not because you suddenly have all the answers, but simply because no one of their own free will remains in such a miserable situation .
2. Let it be quiet
The less effort something takes, the more likely you are to actually do it.
That’s why I say don’t do anything now . Let that self-criticism be there and notice it. That’s all.
Give it some time and observe what is happening in your head . The more self-criticism you observe, the less seriously you begin to take it. You start to see that you’re just playing a boring tape that keeps shouting the same things:
“You can’t do this.”
“You’re not good enough.”
“You’re not pretty enough.”
“You are too stupid.”
Etc.
It can sometimes help to visualize that critical voice as a childish troll .
That troll is looking for comfort and security, so he tries to keep you down by convincing you that you should n’t do anything that challenges you.
Fine and logical. But we’re not going to let a grumpy troll determine the direction of this wonderful life – are we?
No – better not.
Just let that troll chat and you can enjoy your day in the meantime.
3. Make room for something better
Do you have something like: “doing nothing doesn’t sound good enough” ? Then there is something you can do: shift your attention .
Where to? To aspects of yourself that you value.
Focus your attention on:
Things you accomplished today (no matter how small);
Properties of yourself that you like;
Aspects of your body that you like;
Moments when you have overcome something;
The precious people who love you despite all the negative beliefs you have about yourself;
Other positive aspects of your day.
Often when I’m working on a bigger project (like a new course), I suddenly feel insecure. The troll knows how to tell me that I am a worthless writer and that no one cares about what I have to say.
When I experience that, I leaf through old articles and read the sweet reactions of readers. It helps me to establish that my work is going to make someone happy, and that I can continue to challenge myself.
It helps me establish that there really is something wrong with my skills, and that I was fooled by that troll again.
Everything that gives you attention grows – and that self-criticism does not deserve your attention.
Focus on the nice, positive sides of yourself. It helps you move to a place of less misery and more joy.
4. Lovingly let yourself slip
Diarrhea can be slippery.
Even if you walk carefully, you will occasionally fall. Not nice, but nothing you can do about it.
Even with all the good intentions in the world, you will find yourself caught up in a downward spiral of self-criticism from time to time . You are not waiting for it but you can wait for it to happen.
What to do?
There’s one thing you don’t want to do: feel sorry for yourself that you failed to practice self-love again . That sounds logical but it is the most common reaction:
We’re trying to solve the problem with more diarrhea, when you just slipped into it.
It just makes the story dirtier and I think we’ve both had enough of this metaphor now – so let’s get smarter:
Self-compassion.
We change the internal dialogue of the troll who shouts, “You never learn! AWFUL! You’re a loser! Everyone is better at this than you. You’re worthless. You can’t do anything! Ugh, I can’t see you anymore!”
To (voiced by Mary Poppins): “Oops slipped in the diarrhea, that’s not nice. Can happen. Come on, I’ll run a bath for you. Yes, I’m going to throw in the whole bottle because you do smell a little – but I love you anyway. Just lie back and I’ll go mop up with a few bottles of bleach and burn your clothes.”
Feels better, right?
5. Don’t be in a hurry, just pay attention
You usually don’t turn around a life full of self-criticism in one afternoon.
But you know what? We are in no hurry. As soon as you start with the first step, you can also effortlessly defuse most self-criticism .
It is special how more attention – more mindfulness – immediately makes the situation milder.
It helps you see that you are experiencing self-criticism and are not those thoughts – let alone that those thoughts are true.
More awareness leads to more self-compassion and self-love. Slowly but surely it’s getting quieter up there. And before you know it you’ll be making friends at a get-together where you don’t know anyone, or you’ll be taking on tasks you normally couldn’t take on due to self-sabotage.
You feel more confident, stronger, more powerful – happier!
That troll isn’t going anywhere, but you’re getting better and better at approaching him with patience and understanding.
Living with self love lives a lot better
So the message is simple: be kind to yourself .
There is only one you. You are unique and you are good just the way you are. Don’t put yourself down, rather get yourself up.
Not only does that live a lot better – from that position you can also reach out to others and help them take the same step.
Increasing self-love is your most important step towards a more loving world .
It makes everything better, so dare to take it seriously. Let go of that self-criticism and rather marinate yourself in self-compassion – works much better. 💛
Are you ready to get started right away? Go AHEAD !!
Everyone shares a common goal of finding meaning in their lives. While some individuals find purpose in their relationships and close connections, others opt for a life of comfort, and some select a profession or entrepreneurial path. However, at some point, we all contemplate whether we were brought into this world with a specific intention and what that purpose might be.
Feeling that our lives don’t have a meaning can be damaging. If we believe that there is no reason for being alive, it can make us feel more depressed, more anxious, and more reckless with the decisions we make.
A lack of purpose can make our lives feel empty. We are not motivated to do anything. Why should we do it? We are not happy or satisfied. There is a feeling of emptiness to what we do, and we might become caught up in things that don’t mean much but help us pass the time, feel better, like impulse shopping, gaming, drinking, doing drugs, or anything else that helps us fill that void.
Without a purpose, we feel empty, a nagging sensation that is not easy to define. But we try to fill this hole with whatever comes along. Often, these are things that might damage us, like substance abuse, eating too much or going on a diet, joining a cult or buying things with no thought for tomorrow. This lack of meaning can be felt in daily decisions.
But if we accept that we are born for a reason, then we need to have a reason. This might be easier than you expect. Some people feel that they are born for a reason, and then discover it. It comes with a moment of discovery, and then they just know. But most people have to construct the purpose of their lives.
This means that you get to decide what you want the purpose of your life to be, as long as it feels right. It doesn’t have to be just one thing either. You get to decide how much does your career, hobbies, family, friends, partner, etc. mean to you, what you want to focus on, and how to set your priorities.
You get to construct the reason for your life bit by bit and decide what is worthy and what is not. But as you do, you will find that every part of your day feels more meaningful, more satisfying, and more motivating.
Confidence is a trait with a lot of advantages to it. Confident people can attract others and lead people more successfully. They can take risks and apply for new opportunities. But not everyone is born with a high level of confidence.
Here are a few strategies that will allow you to become more confident and make habits that keep you steadily improving this aspect of yourself every day.
Start each day by completing small tasks
You can build a morning routine that will feed your productivity and also your confidence. Make sure that your morning reminds you how well you are able to complete each task that the world sets before you, and start with small things like making the bed, cooking breakfast, taking a shower, and so on. Check them off your to-do list and feel the little burst of dopamine that will get you motivated.
When you start your day with completed tasks, it gives you a greater feeling of confidence. You know that you are productive, that you can be productive, and that you have already achieved something. It’s like giving yourself the right momentum to begin the day.
Destroy your limiting mindset
Consider the beliefs you have that might be limiting your confidence. Do you believe that you can’t do specific things? Do you set yourself up for failure when trying new things because you expect to fail? Consider the limiting beliefs that might be holding you back.
Challenge these beliefs and ideas. Don’t accept them as the truth, allow yourself the opportunity to find out how you are capable of more things than you might expect. You can achieve big things. Just start working towards them. Let go of your limiting beliefs to feel more confident and stop sabotaging yourself.
Keep up your health
Your health is a big element of your confidence. It’s hard to project security when you feel bad. It’s important to take care of your body and ensure that you are getting the right nutrition, the best exercise, and enough sleep as well. When you look like an exhausted zombie, confidence could not be further away from your mind.
You can also work on specific elements to improve your confidence. You might feel better about yourself when you have clear skin or good posture, and these are things you can achieve by using the right strategies and tools. Your appearance doesn’t need to be exceedingly polished for you to feel confident, but it helps if you look and feel good.
Walk with a purpose
You can feel more confident by using “fake it till you make it” techniques. One of the main ones is building the right posture and also the presence. Always walk as if you knew exactly where you were going. Move towards a goal and allow yourself to take as much space as you need. Don’t try to make yourself smaller.
You can also work on how you stand and sit. Use gestures that help your body feel confident: hands at your sides, a straight back, looking ahead. While at first you might feel stiff, eventually it will help you feel more comfortable in your own skin, as it becomes second nature.
Give every opportunity your all
Once you choose to commit to an opportunity, give it your all. Act as if you had nothing to lose and put your full focus and effort on achieving the current goal. Put your best effort into what you try; don’t hold back out of fear. Try and see what happens – it will rarely lead to the worst-case scenario you imagine.
You might find that this approach doesn’t always lead to success, but failing like this is not too bad either. It teaches you to embrace failure and treat it as a part of life. You can keep trying until you succeed, and you might find that you get what you want more times than you expect.
Throw yourself into every opportunity and don’t look back. This will ensure that you are going to come across as enthusiastic and committed, and also that you will feel motivated. You will also build your confidence by testing your skills and abilities against the world.
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Exposing your feelings is not recommended in many situations. Statements like “don’t say anything if you don’t have anything nice to say” and thoughts like “expressing feelings is unprofessional” seem deeply rooted in our society. This applies in private situations and in the workplace, but also applies to leaders. Yet radical candor actually contributes to personal growth and gives you the opportunity to be the best version of yourself.
When we hide our feelings from others, we often do it because we don’t want to cause a stir or because we want to protect ourselves from criticism or not be excluded from the group. However, concealing how you really think or feel about something now only helps you in the short term. The price you pay by continuously pleasing is at the expense of your creativity, passion and motivation.
PRACTICE RADICAL CANDOR
With radical candor, we show our full selves to others. By practicing this you are authentic and you are vulnerable. You show that you support your own feelings, take others into account and give them the space to be candid. It is about connecting yourself and others, with care and feeling.
Examples of frankness in the workplace can be admitting as a manager that a new business strategy frightens you, sharing with colleagues that things are not going well for you and that there is something in your private life that distracts you, or telling your employer that his or her comment feels uncomfortable to you.
Openness not only ensures that you stay close to yourself, set your limits and do not suppress your feelings, it also creates space to grow together. Because how great would it be if you knew how everyone felt, if everyone dared to discuss everything in a respectful way and everyone would be heard and seen?
